Courage Within
by Artfuldemon
Summary: What would you do with a second chance? Would you hide in fear from the unknown? Or would you overcome that fear in the hope of a better tomorrow? Find out how a once ordinary girl reacts to her new life as a Ninja. OC Self-Insert.
1. Prologue

**AN: I swore I wouldn't write a fic like this but Silver Queen's 'Dreaming of Sunshine' inspired me and I couldn't resist. If you even remotely like this fic than go look hers up, it's ten times better than this one.**

_Courage is fear holding on a minute longer-George S. Patton_

The darkness that held me was comforting. I wasn't tired so I didn't sleep. I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat. I felt an overwhelming need to simply do… nothing. I merely existed, nothing more nothing less.

But something was wrong. The darkness that usually comforted me was…wrong. There was no other word for it. Brief spikes of barely registered pain coupled with a sense of _otherness_ I couldn't quite identify

But then the wrongness left and the pain left with it. But the sense of _otherness_ remained. At first I pondered what it could be but over time it seemed to disappear. I no longer felt any other presence besides my own, both just as I remembered it and different from what it had been.

Once again I could rest in peace. Time passed in blessed oblivion but before too long the wrongness returned. Perhaps it was because I remembered it from before but this time the sense of wrongness was so much stronger, the pain so much greater. I tried to cry out but found myself lacking a way to do so.

And with the pain came something else. More of…myself? Something else was here but if I hadn't felt its arrival I would never have known. I felt no different before or after and soon forgot about it altogether.

And so things continued in this way. Cocooned by darkness that I did not fear interspersed with moments of ever growing pain. In the darkness I felt safe and secure. Whenever the pain would come I would try my hardest to scream out of some half-forgotten sense of self-preservation but always found myself lacking the ability to do so. Not that it mattered. As soon as it was over I no longer cared and quickly forgot about it as well.

As time went on the darkness changed. It grew smaller and smaller. Not that it was bothering me. As it grew smaller the only change was that I began to feel the pain more and more frequently.

Suddenly everything was different. Pain worse than any other I had felt in the darkness enveloped me. Bright light shone into my eyes and for the first time in a long time I realized that _I had eyes_!

All I could really make out was dark shapes on a white background and _oh my god_ everything was so _blurry_.

I tried to breath and was barely able to get in a breath. I tried to move my arms only to find them unresponsive. I opened my mouth to beg for help from someone, anyone, but all that came out was a weak gurgle. And I was cold. I was so very cold.

I despaired thinking that I was about to die and a large part of me felt as though I should still be in the darkness that had only a short time ago been protecting me from the horrors of reality.

Soon enough however large hands picked me up. At first I couldn't identify the sensations my body was going through because although they felt like hands they couldn't be. If they were hands then they belonged to a giant. I had never been big exactly, but I knew for a fact that I wasn't small enough to be held in the crook of someone's arm.

I felt rapid vibrations and cool air against my cheeks and surmised that whoever was carrying me was walking. Fast. My breath was hitching in my throat and what little vision I had was rapidly fading.

A few moments later all seemed right in the world. I was safe and secure in my own little corner of the universe. I wasn't in the darkness. It was too bright and occasionally I would be able to feel a cool breeze for a few moments. But it felt safe. And that was what was important.

It stayed like that for a while. I don't really know how long I remained in there. I was more aware in my new place than I had been in the darkness but it still wasn't even close to full awareness.

Eventually my new place was taken away from me. I wasn't complaining.

Yes it had started out as a warm safe place but as time passed I had slowly grown uncomfortable. It was a strange feeling. It wasn't anything physical but it was there all the same. This desire to escape a suffocating embrace that I wasn't sure was even real.

All in all I was glad to say goodbye to that place.

I felt hands wrap me in something soft and warm. I tried to breath and found myself able to take in full if short breaths. I opened my eyes and instead of a hazy world divided into black and white, a less hazy world of dull colors and blurred details awaited me.

I heard cooing sounds and looked up at the giant holding me. She was making funny faces and smiling down at me.

That was when I realised something very important. I was a newborn baby. After absorbing this information I did the only logical thing I could think of. I opened my mouth and began wailing for all I was worth.

Everything was strange and that just made me cry harder. You might think that I, with my adult mind would be able to better cope with a situation like this. But no matter how old you are there's something innately terrifying about being completely helpless.

As the giant carried me along and gently tried to shush my crying I noticed something else. Something was off with my body. It didn't feel bad just… different. There was a sort of energy coursing through me. I tentatively reached within myself and tried to get a feel for what it was and found that if I focused I could sort of channel it to an extent. Even just brushing against it like this gave me the oddest feeling of being both heavily drained and deeply invigorated.

It wasn't hurting me so I decided to leave it by the wayside. For now I had other things to worry about, the most predominant thing being where exactly I was being taken.

The giant had stopped shushing me and had begun to gently sing to me. Despite my rather recent return to awareness I found myself drawn in by her voice even though I didn't recognize any of the words. As sleep quickly took over I was at least vaguely able to recognize the language she was singing in as Japanese.

I awoke to the sound of a crying baby.

Check that. I awoke to the sound of _many_ crying babies.

I was no longer in the white building, which upon further analysis had to have been a hospital of some sort. Instead I was lying in a crib that was in a room painted bright yellow with an off-white ceiling. And I was surrounded on all sides by wailing babies.

The only places I could think of off-hand that had a large number of children grouped together like this were hospitals and orphanages. 'Okay' the part of me that was still trying to figure out _what the hell was going on_ thought. 'Apparently I'm an orphan. That's something that I didn't know before'.

Even realising that however, did not change the fact that I was surrounded on all sides by crying babies.

Maybe it was the lack of control over my new body or my newborn instincts acting up or the sheer disbelief that I had been reborn at all, but I found myself crying right along with them.

A few moments later someone came in and attempted to comfort us, one by one. And strangely enough it was working. There was something about her, some warmth that permeated the air that simply said everything was going to be okay and the occupant of every crib she leaned over quickly stopped crying.

As she leaned over my crib to check on me, my eyes fell to a very strange accessory that was dangling around her neck. It was a blue cloth with a shiny piece of metal on it. Engraved on the metal was the symbol of a leaf.

I stopped crying almost immediately and she must have assumed everything was okay because she moved on to the next crib.

I would recognize that symbol anywhere. It was the symbol of the Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

My eyes widened. It suddenly made sense. Everything made sense. The strange energy within me, the symbol on her headband, and even the calm aura she was using.

I was in the Naruto-verse.


	2. Acclimatizing

**AN: In case anyone cares to reread it, in addition to this update I've also polished up the Prologue a considerable amount.**

_Courage is found in unlikely places-J. R. R. Tolkien_

Acclimatizing

After the obligatory freak out I managed to calm down enough to ask some questions.

Not out loud. My vocal cords were highly undeveloped and all I could really do was gurgle and make a few other unintelligible noises. And even if I could muster the energy and mastery over my body enough to articulate words there was also the little matter of the language barrier I had to overcome before anyone would be able to understand me.

However even despite my infant body my mind was still my own and I was able to think as rationally as ever.

One of the first questions I had was where exactly was I in the Naruto timeline? Was I born at the start of the series, the end, or at some other point altogether? Was the Fourth Shinobi War finished or in full swing? Or was I born decades before the series had even begun?

Another was why was I reborn at all? Was it a fate, an accident or was I simply to unimportant to notice as I went to some afterlife I wasn't supposed too?

And for that matter was this even the afterlife? After all I felt alive. The world around me felt right, if different. I grew weak if I didn't eat and tired if I didn't sleep.

I mentally sighed. Most of those questions I would probably never find the answers to. In the meantime I decided I would act as if the world around me was real. If it wasn't real I wouldn't be hurting anyone and if it was I could be helping.

I figured I would focus on where in the Naruto timeline I was. After all that was probably the only question I had that could be answered anytime soon.

But in order to do that… I mentally sighed again. It's something we never think about. When we were babies we depended on others to take care of us. By the time we become adults none of us remember those days.

But now as an adult in a child's body I was forced to relive them. And that was now my life. All I can really say about it is that it's relatively annoying. Not to mention extremely boring.

All I could really do at first was lie there and let time go by, completely dependent on my group's caretakers. We had several who rotated in and out on a regular basis to feed us, change us, and otherwise take care of us.

I've heard people talk about growing up as an orphan and how it wasn't really any different from a normal family but as someone who had originally grown up in a so called normal family environment, I was in a rather unique position to notice the differences. What really struck me was how I was treated as an individual. I wasn't treated poorly, not by any means but that didn't change the fact that with so many children to look after I was given almost no individual attention, save for when I was being fed, or looked after.

It was disconcerting to say the least.

I never really took any real notice of my caretaker's names or faces. At the time my eyes had yet to develop enough to notice any more than the most basic of details and outlines unless they were right in front of my face. And even if my sight had been good enough to notice every little detail I doubt I would have noticed anyway.

All I did for the first month or so of my life was eat, sleep, and cry. From the perspective of an adult I was probably a normal if overly emotional baby. But for me it was a time of mourning. My tears were not the tears of a normal baby who would cry at the drop of a hat for no reason that an adult could discern. My tears were tears of a life left behind. I didn't remember my death but I remembered my life. I had left behind a home, parents, siblings, friends and coworkers only to be thrust into a world that I had not believed to be real. Suffice to say that it was a very trying time for me.

Before I knew it several months had gone by almost without my notice and my surroundings began changing. We were still kept in the same room but our cribs were swapped out for larger more sturdy ones. Instead of always being in a stretcher or crib or being carried around we were now left to our own devices albeit in a very limited sense.

After all it wasn't like a handful of six-month olds could really do much more than crawl around especially considering we were confined to playpens within sight of our caretakers.

I quickly got used to my new surroundings, not a very impressive feat since it was hardly bigger than my crib, and quickly grew bored again.

I decide now would be as good a time as any to try out using chakra. Up until now I hadn't even tried to do anything with it other than mark its growth, which at that point was almost nonexistent. I was a baby after all and I didn't have much chakra other than what was essential for the body's survival. There was a reason serious chakra training didn't normally begin until you were eight or nine years old when your chakra reserves began to expand beyond what was necessary to fuel the body.

That was the main reason I hadn't even tried using it yet. As a baby I didn't exactly have very much chakra to begin with and I was afraid of chakra exhaustion or worse. Chakra wasn't just some extra energy that the body had that could be used willy-nilly. It was tied into our very being running through its own circulatory system and beyond. On a microscopic scale chakra ran through every single cell in our bodies. Use it up and bad things start happening to you.

I still didn't know whether or not I would become a Ninja. After all Ninja led hectic lives, always living with the knowledge that there next mission might be there last. And even if they survived they had a tendency to become mentally unbalanced. You couldn't live a life full of fighting and death and come out the other side unaffected. It just wasn't possible.

On the other hand remaining a civilian of Konoha had its own risks. Konoha was a village that I knew for a fact had a tendency of attracting trouble. And civilians died at lot faster than Shinobi. I remembered what I had first felt upon awakening. That innate fear at being helpless wasn't something that I wanted to experience ever again.

In my old life I had always dreamed of fame and fortune but had always ended up taking the path of least resistance. I had been no one special just a run of the mill college graduate with a stable job who lived her life by taking the safe route.

This line of thought raised another question. Even if I became a Ninja was there really anything I could do? I still didn't know where I was in the Naruto-timeline and even if I was born in a time were my knowledge could be of some use would anyone believe me?

The answer was most likely no. If I tried telling anyone what I knew then the inside of an ANBU interrogation cell was probably my best case scenario. I decided to come back to this topic at a later date. I still had years before I could enroll at a school Ninja academy or otherwise. For now I would focus on something that could be done in the here and now namely practicing my chakra control.

I started out very small just seeing whether or not I could move it to different parts of my body. Unlike the first time I had tried using it there was almost no feeling of being drained at all and I quickly grew bolder.

I latched onto chakra control exercises with a passion. After spending months passing the time doing nothing more than daydreaming or trying to pick up the odd word in Japanese I finally had something to occupy my mind with.

Learning how to twist my chakra this way and that, attempting the leaf sticking exercise with scraps of paper or cloth, or trying to create chakra strings outside my body. It may not have seemed like much but after so long without any real mental stimulation it was a godsend.

As the days went on I began to notice other chakra besides my own around me, most weaker and a few much stronger sources. It took some time before I realized that it was my caretakers and the other children I was sensing. This puzzled me at first before I remembered that all Ninja's have sensing abilities to a degree. It was only the rare few who had the potential to become sensory types that ever truly excelled at it. Never the less I resolved to put practicing chakra sensing on the to-do list as soon as possible.

I doubted I would ever become more than mildly proficient with it but even if I could just get a sense of it I would have an enormous advantage.

I passed months in this way slowly becoming more and more proficient, until one day when I was attempting to beat my record of three minutes with the leaf sticking exercise I noticed one of my caretakers looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I hurriedly cut off my chakra supply and the leaf fell to the ground. Not wanting to raise suspicion I picked the leaf back up and tried to stick it to my forehead again, this time without the aid of chakra. When it almost immediately fell I made a noise of disappointment giving the impression that I was just a child playing a silly game with a leaf and was upset that I couldn't get it to stick as long as before.

I figured he must have sensed a bit of loose chakra that I had let slip out by mistake and resolved not to do anything with my chakra for a few days until any possible suspicion had passed. Instead all I did was practice my chakra sensing abilities. Doing so used almost no chakra whatsoever and wouldn't be noticed by anyone unless they were actively looking for it. Even then it wasn't as if people were looking for spies amongst their nation's orphans so it was highly unlikely that I would be considered the culprit even if I were to be sensed by someone.

It was during this time that I began to notice I was treated slightly different than the other children. I wasn't given special preference or anything but whenever I practiced chakra sensing I could feel people's general locations. And around me there always seemed to be more adults.

And I don't just mean every now and then. I meant all the time. In all likelihood it was probably a coincidence but I grew too paranoid to actively practice any of the chakra control exercises that I knew about.

This aggravated me to no end for one simple reason. It's not like I was spending all day practicing chakra control but it had been what kept me sane for a long while. And now I was no longer able to practice. This meant one thing and one thing only. My boredom had returned.

But even through my boredom, time continued moving forward. Now that I was over a year old and was no longer actively practicing with my chakra I focused on learning the language and relearning how to coordinate my body. Before I could make the choice of becoming a ninja or even start school I needed to be able to walk and talk. I did away with English altogether, even in my mind. I needed to become so proficient that I would forget my old language. I really didn't feel like trying to explain why I was speaking a foreign language to someone if I started speaking in English by mistake.

And it was through constant practice that I noticed one word that kept coming up that I couldn't place which was strange. Until I realized that it was being used every time I was spoken to. I felt like face palming. It was my _name_; Akira. Or Akira-chan as most called me. Once I got that little detail sorted I was able to progress much faster, my adult mind being able to comprehend things faster than a normal child's.

And through everything I continued with my chakra sensing practice. If it was the only thing I could do then by god I was going to do it. By the time I could hobble around for a few steps I could sense everyone else in the orphanage if I tried. By the time I could form complete, if small, sentences I could sense everyone in a hundred meter radius give or take. I mean it wasn't exactly like I was able to properly judge something I couldn't see. And so it continued on like that, my motor skills and vocabulary developing at a slightly faster rate than those around me along with my sensing abilities growing a bit stronger every day.

Once I was able to walk around on my own without help and without falling down repeatedly I was taken out of the yellow room that had been my shared bedroom for as long as I could remember and was brought to a different room. This one had the same off-white colored ceiling but the walls were painted pink and the only other occupants that I could see were girls but what really drew my attention were the beds. Instead of cribs there were real beds, small with guard rails but still _beds_! After having been lifted into and out of a crib several times a day for the last few years I almost wept with joy.

And that was when I noticed the mirror hanging on the wall. It was just a small plain mirror, nothing really noteworthy about it. Slightly cracked in the upper right-hand corner and a little smudged on the left but perfectly serviceable.

It's probably more accurate to say that I noticed the girl looking back at me from the other side of the mirror than the actual mirror itself.

She was scrawny with pointy elbows, knobby knees and her skin was just a shade or two darker than those around her. She had black hair that hung to just past her shoulders with dark blue eyes. Her face had soft features and she looked completely bewildered.

It took me a moment to realize that this was the first mirror I had looked into since being reborn. And even after I realized this it _still_ took me a few seconds longer to realize that I was looking at my reflection.

My jaw dropped. This couldn't be me could it? I tried tilting my head left and right and then raised my arms above my head. The girl in the mirror copied everything I did. Yep it was official. I did not even partially resemble who I had once been.

I heard giggling from my new room's entrance and looked over before lowering my arms and immediately blushing. The caretaker who had shown me to my new room was still in the doorway and had seen me flail around like a fool as I tested the image in the mirror.

I quickly developed a case of selective amnesia concerning the event.

In addition to my own bed I was also given a small dresser with three drawers that stood at the foot of the bed along with several sets of clothing that I was expected to put in the laundry hamper when I finished wearing them. I guess they were trying to teach us a sense of responsibility. It was a good plan in theory but one that many people seemed to not understand as I noticed more than one set of dirty clothes lying on the floor.

And as far as my clothes went I was greatly dismayed by one simple fact. Instead of what I had been wearing before, a simple set of light blue shorts and a white shirt with socks, I was given a new set of clothing that was deemed appropriate for a growing girl to wear. I was given three sets of light pink shirts which aside from the color didn't really bother me and _skirts_.

I shuddered. I had absolutely refused to wear dresses or skirts of any kind even in my old life and wasn't planning on changing that philosophy any time soon even if I had been reborn into the Naruto-verse. Once my caretakers found out about this habit of mine they were less than pleased. Infuriated was probably a better word since they seemed to be of the mindset that girls should dress like girls and boys should dress like boys and that there was no middle ground.

After being caught sneaking in to the laundry room to 'borrow' pants from the boys pile of clean laundry one too many times they finally seemed to give up and say "fine if you want everyone to think you're a boy who are we to stop you?" which pleased me far more than it should have.

It wasn't like I wanted everyone to think I was a boy but I had admittedly always been a tomboy even before I was reborn in the Naruto-verse.

And so it continued on in this way and time has a habit of slipping through your fingers when you're not paying attention. I grew older and older and was more than once I returned to my shared bedroom only to find myself with a bigger bed. I was also allowed to choose some of my own clothing to a certain extent. They couldn't be overly expensive and what I did ask for had to meet the orphanage standards but so long as I stayed within those guidelines it was pretty much anything goes.

Much to the annoyance of my caretakers almost everything I asked for was originally meant for a boy. Not to mention that everything I picked out for myself lacked all forms of the color pink and instead leaned more towards red or blue shirts with black trousers.

Before I knew it I was over three years old and was about to be taken outside for the first time. Not that I hadn't been allowed outside before but this time was different. Before I had always been with someone and had only gone outside for short amounts of time, it being deemed too risky to allow a toddler unlimited freedom. It would be far too easy for them to get lost.

Now our entire age group was being let out at once. We went to the park. Nothing overly eventful happened. We had a picnic and ran around for an hour or so and were then brought back to the orphanage.

One thing of note did happen however. On the return trip I spotted the Hokage Monument for the first time. There were a total of four faces carved into the monument. That meant that Tsunade hadn't been named the Fifth Hokage yet. So now I at least knew the general timeframe but still lacked specifics. 'Oh well' I thought 'Some progress is better than none at all'.

All the trip had really done was hammer home the fact that I was quickly growing up and rapidly running out of time. Soon I would either be adopted (something I actually didn't want to happen. I was still getting over the loss of my old life and didn't think I would be able to call anyone else Mum or Dad) or if that never happened I would be expected to choose what to do with my life.

As daunting a task as that was to ask of a child it also wasn't unexpected. I lived in a Ninja village after all and orphans were an unfortunate commonality. Also it wasn't like there were no options available. I could enroll in any number of civilian schools or get apprenticed to one of the craftsmen that called Konoha home or I could even enroll in the Ninja Academy if I wanted.

_Sigh_. I still hadn't decided what to do as far as my possible Ninja career was concerned. Like before I decided to leave it for another time. I wasn't exactly worried about what I would choose. It was more like I treated the choice as a test I hadn't studied for or having to explain to my parents how exactly the window in the kitchen broke. It was something that I knew was inevitable but felt that I could safely ignore for the moment.

Oh, and the trip to the park had done one other thing as well. I had thought my sensing abilities were highly proficient and while that was probably true as far as three year olds went, I discovered that the few hundred people I could now sense whenever I was really trying barely even covered the street the orphanage was situated on. Basically I still had a long way to go.

One day a few months later we were all gathered together so someone could speak to us. For a moment I couldn't fathom why they had gotten a teenager to talk to us instead of someone more experienced. But then I noticed his headband and my eyes widened.

They had gotten a ninja to speak to us and I never noticed he was even here until he appeared in front of us. His chakra was more developed than I was used to but was calm and if I hadn't seen his headband I wouldn't have even known he was a Ninja.

In fact aside from his headband he dressed almost like a civilian. A set of grey pants and long sleeved shirt with a pair of blue open-toed sandals and a Chunin vest topped of the outfit. At a glance he looked no different from an average civilian.

I only half-heartedly listened to what he was saying and instead spent my time thinking about Shinobi gear in general. Most Shinobi even high ranking Jonin tended to dress in clothes that strongly resembled civilian clothes. This perplexed me since they were the prime military forces of their villages and normally such an elite group of people would have a uniform.

After a moment of thought it struck me that any Ninja worth their salt would be able to identify them by their chakra signature alone and it was probably better for the actual civilians stress levels if they didn't know exactly how many trained killers were walking amongst them on a day to day basis.

Satisfied with the answers I had come up with I turned my attention to what was being said just in case we were expected to remember what they were saying.

Our caretakers explained that he was here to help explain the upcoming choices we had considering our futures and to explain the basics of being a Ninja to us to see if anyone was interested in becoming one. The time was coming when those who hadn't been adopted would have to choose what they were going to do after they grew too old to remain at the orphanage.

His speech barely covered anything as far as I knew. One thing he did cover however was the sense of unification amongst Shinobi and about the immense honor and pride there was in defending the village. It was really more of an ad-campaign than anything else, outlining the best aspects of being a Ninja while minimizing the worst aspects.

Needless to say more than a few of those around me were paying rapt attention and even those who I had thought didn't want to be Ninja still looked interested.

He didn't stay long probably understanding that as children we didn't have very long attention spans. Even though his visit had been brief, excited talks could be heard amongst those around me for day's afterword. One boy in particular, I think his name was Kaito, claimed that he was going to be the greatest Ninja ever.

I frowned as I thought about everyone's reaction to the Chunin's visit. It was what drew my attention to the issue but it was far from the only thing I noticed. Being a Shinobi was considered an honor. To fight and defend your village was something most children daydreamed about. And to most it was nothing more than that, something to daydream about to help alleviate the normal boredom associated with everyday life. But in others a spark was lit, one that could very well define their entire lives from that point onward.

It seemed a lot like social-conditioning to me. Plant the idea in their minds while they were young and reinforce the idea as time went on. In the end it was ultimately irrelevant. It wasn't like this was the first time I had ever come across something like this. Everyone wanted the future generation to take an interest in their craft in the hopes of passing their knowledge along. With Shinobi it was just far more prevalent considering that they were the reason we lived in such a peaceful village so I guess the brainwashing could be forgiven. Or at least accepted as something I couldn't change but could ignore.

After I turned four I was allowed to leave the orphanage unsupervised with the warning that if I bothered anyone over much or got lost I would have that right revoked until I could prove that I was able to take care of myself.

Being unsupervised at the age of four seems early but you have to remember that this is Konoha, and Konoha was one of the most peaceful Ninja villages around. We were much more lenient than other villages and even if something did happen a large portion of the community were dedicated Shinobi trained and more than willing to come to the defense of a child in the unlikely event that they should be threatened. In short parents and caretakers alike thought nothing of letting their children roam around freely once they were able too.

With my newfound freedom I was finally able to start exploring the village like I had always wanted to. I began with the streets just around the orphanage and once I grew familiar with them I quickly expanded my explorations to the neighboring streets.

Konoha was _huge_. Maybe it was just that everything still looked bigger than I was used to but there seemed to be an endless number of streets, alleys, parks, and people. I was fascinated with exploring the whole city. That first day I almost had my right to leave the building revoked when I got carried away with my exploration and arrived back at the orphanage 15 minutes after curfew. After that I was very careful about arriving on time. I really didn't want my long sought after freedom taken away.

Another problem had arisen with the Chunin's visit. I could now no longer put off my decision of whether or not to become a Ninja. If the "what do you want to do with your life" conversations were already happening then I was running out of time faster than I thought.

I turned the idea over and over in my mind. Should I? Shouldn't I? I just didn't know. There were too many factors to consider and the pressure to make my decision was only heightened every time I woke up and realized another day had gone by and I still hadn't made my choice.

I would always find a way to put it off. The older I got the more freedom we were given and when I was sure no one was around I began chakra control exercises again, and for a time they distracted me. Then there were my sensory abilities to practice or my recent foray into reading and writing the Japanese language which is a lot harder to learn than just speaking it.

There was always _something_ and not for the first time I cursed my indecisive nature.

It continued on in this fashion until a certain event happened. And after this event it was actually pretty easy to make my choice.

What was the event you ask? Well in short it was the day I met Naruto.

I guess saying that I met him was a bit of an overstatement seeing as I was pretty sure he didn't even realize I was there.

I had just turned five and the new school year was starting in a few weeks and I was expected to make my choice soon. My mind felt clouded and I even had trouble performing any chakra exercises.

I walked aimlessly through the streets not really paying any attention to where I was going when I noticed people staring at something.

I followed their gazes and my eyes landed on a head of spikey blond hair that I swore I recognized which was something that should have been impossible since I didn't know anyone outside of the other kids at the orphanage and I didn't even know them very well.

I could hear people around me talking in hushed voices as they went out of their way to avoid getting too close to the blond haired kid.

"That's him right?"

"Yeah the one that had the ni-"

"Shhh were not supposed to talk about that. Let's just leave".

One thing I overheard that really pissed me off was a parent telling his kid to never speak to him and to just ignore him. I had never really been assertive or been very successful when addressing a crowd but these comments crossed the line. I opened my mouth to give them a piece of my mind only to stop when I heard a voice say in barely a whisper "Why does everyone always look at me like I don't even exist?"

I turned my head to the source of the voice. It was the blond haired kid who everyone had been avoiding. Only now instead of staring at the ground his gaze was leveled at the other villagers and I got my first clear look at his face.

My eyes widened. It was _Naruto_. I was sure of it. I would recognize him anywhere.

My amazement was cut short however when in a much louder voice he shouted out "Fine! I don't care what any of you think of me! I'm going to become Hokage one day and then you'll have to notice me -ttebayo!"

And with that he ran off probably to avoid the looks everyone was sending his way that clearly said that his dream would never come true. Or maybe it was to hide the tears I was sure I had seen starting to gather at the corner of his eyes.

Looking back on what he said that day feels strange. At the time it had seemed like such a childish response that I almost laughed. And yet despite its childishness I would forever look back on that moment as one of the defining moments of my life.

It was the determination in his eyes that stopped me cold. His eyes were determined to prove everyone around him wrong. He said he wanted to be a Ninja that he was going to become Hokage and that was that.

I found it amazing that despite all the obstacles in his way with the rest of the world telling him "you can't" he was still able to muster the willpower to say "I can and I will!"

After a few moments the crowd dispersed and I started walking again. I didn't have a destination in mind and just let my feet guide me wherever they wanted to go.

Eventually I ended up at a park that I vaguely recognized from one of the orphanages field trips. I sat down with my back leaning against a tree and closed my eyes letting the afternoon sun warm my skin as I tried to order my thoughts.

Not surprisingly my thoughts gravitated to Naruto and his declaration of becoming a Ninja and one day Hokage.

I was fairly certain that just about everyone else that had heard his declaration didn't even think twice about what he said.

But I knew he was serious. I knew how strong he would eventually become. I also knew that this was when it started. That out of a simple desire for acceptance he would one day become a legend.

He had the drive and determination to start from almost nothing and would go on to become one of the strongest Shinobi seen since the founding of Konoha. And he had started out by wanting nothing more than acceptance.

No matter how many times I turned the thought around in my head it didn't seem to make sense.

Naruto had started out as the dead last of his year had almost nothing going for him and _still_ persevered when any sane individual would've stopped.

He did all that… and I couldn't even muster the courage to enroll in the damn Academy.

What was different about us? Was it simply that he hadn't yet lost the naivety of youth? No it couldn't be that. I knew his positive outlook would last until the day he died.

So if that wasn't it then what was the difference?

And all at once it hit me. More like slammed into me with the force of a brick wall.

I was afraid. It was as simple as that.

I knew that I had a chance to give everyone a happier ending but I couldn't even bring myself to try.

I couldn't bring myself to try while a _child_ with everyone against him was willing stand by his word and try for his dreams.

As my thoughts finally settled I knew what I had to do.

I opened my eyes and stood up. There was something different about me. An emotion I had never experienced before was rushing through me: determination.

I calmly walked back toward the orphanage with my mind clear for the first time in months.

I finally knew what I had to do. I was going to become a Ninja.

For the first time in a long time I was going to _try_.

I couldn't help myself. I smiled.


	3. Disillusionment

_Courage is grace under pressure-Ernest Hemingway_

Chapter 2: Disillusionment

Two weeks after I announced my intention of becoming a Ninja just shy of the day I entered the Academy I was moved from the orphanage to my own apartment.

That fact alone was enough to make me jump for joy. I couldn't remember the last time I had been on my own for any length of time. Day in and day out I was either surrounded by kids or looked after by an adult.

As I explored my new apartment I had to wonder how I had ever found the time to practice with my chakra.

I paused in my exploration to marvel at my new freedom. Things I had grown to paranoid to practice were again within reach! I could now openly practice chakra control exercises. I could try wall walking or chakra strings or any number of other things. I could get books to help me understand the finer points and even ask for help.

I grinned in realization. I would no longer be forced to always look over my shoulder for witnesses. I had never openly practiced before and instead always found a quiet corner to attempt things in secret.

If it hadn't been for my skills with chakra sensing I probably would have gone mad with anxiety. Chakra sensing had been the only way I could consistently avoid just about everyone around me for any length of time.

I mean it wasn't like I had been trying to avoid them out of spite or anything but at the end of the day most of the people around me were still kids. And kids do not make good conversationalists.

Not to mention that I had a very real fear of being labelled a prodigy and having my choice taken away from me. If you were good enough the Academy was practically your _only_ choice. To have the skills to be a strong Shinobi and not even make the attempt was something I doubted anyone would even consider.

Who wouldn't want to be great if given the chance?

But now my worries were over. These were things I would now be _required_ to know!

Humming a happy tune I went back to looking over my new apartment. It was smaller than I had thought it would be but still nice. It consisted of one main room with light blue walls that was a combination bedroom/living room with a cooking area off in one corner and the door to the bathroom a little ways off to the side.

I still couldn't believe my eyes. It may have just been a small one-room apartment but it was still _mine_.

After spending so long surrounded by other people both adults and children it felt wonderful to be on my own again. Wonderful and a little disconcerting.

After I finished my short tour of the apartment I began to unpack the small amount of possessions I had which mostly consisted of clothes and supplies for the Academy.

As I unpacked the giddiness I had been feeling all morning started to wear off and I became aware of a new sensation. A tightness between my shoulder blades was present. I kept looking over my shoulder trying to figure out what the problem was until it hit me.

This was the first time I had been on my own for any real amount of time. Even when I had found a quiet place to practice by myself in the back of my mind I had always known that other people had been only a room away.

Once I knew what the problem was I was far less bothered by it. Most of what we fear comes from the unknown and once I was able to identify what was bothering me I was able to ignore it. I'd get used to the sensation in time.

After I got settled I decided to use the rest of the day to go exploring. I was in a new area after all and although I had been shown where all the important places were exploring Konoha had become somewhat of a hobby of mine.

Not to mention that it couldn't hurt to know where the shortcuts were if I ever woke up late.

Closing the door behind me I set out to explore the neighbourhood. Two more days to go until the entrance ceremony.

I couldn't wait.

Whenever I looked at a clock time seemed to be moving slower than normal but once the night before I started the Academy arrived it felt as if it had flown by.

I was so nervous and excited about entering the Academy that I barely got any sleep at all the night before and woke up well before my alarm went off.

I decided to get up and to get dressed in favor of getting a few more minutes of sleep and possibly missing my alarm clock going off and arriving late.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast and made a list of everything I'd need for my first day as an academy student.

After eating I got dressed in my normal choice of clothing namely a black pair of pants and a dark red short sleeved shirt. The only real difference was my shoes which instead of the ones I normally wore, which had been a tad big on my feet were replaced with open-toed almost formfitting dark blue sandals.

After trying them on the first time it was clear why almost every single ninja opted to wear some variation of them. They were comfortable with deep grooves that were excellent for finding purchase on almost any surface.

Double checking to make sure I had everything I set out far earlier than I had originally planned and got to the Academy with plenty of time to spare.

Surprisingly I wasn't the only one to arrive early. There were already several families who had shown up with their kids who were talking amongst themselves. I leaned against the wall across from the entrance and waited for everyone else to arrive.

About a half-hour later people, both parents and children began to show up and I figured it was as good a time as any to get moving.

I made my way into the Academy where I was directed to the Auditorium. Finding an empty seat amongst all the other students was a little difficult, mostly because I was paying more attention to the other kids than on finding a place to sit.

I should have just found a seat and been done with it but I couldn't stop myself from trying to spot the Rookie 9.

After my run-in with Naruto I was almost certain that we were in the same year and I was hoping to catch a glimpse of them but everyone was so small that I was having a hard time picking out specific people.

I finally took a seat near the edge of the row once I noticed that almost everyone else was already sitting.

After a few moments the Third Hokage walked up to the podium and launched into what had to be a well-rehearsed speech. He talked about forging bonds of brotherhood and friendship that would last a lifetime and told us all about the Will of Fire that every Konoha Shinobi embraced. We were wished luck and told to try our hardest to make our families and our village proud. It was very inspirational and I could tell it had perked up a lot of the other students as well.

After he left we were pointed to a list of names on the wall and were told to go to the classroom that we were assigned to.

I fought my way through the gaggle of kids that had crowded around the paper and managed to find my name.

_Akira-Room D12-Teacher: Iruka-sensei TA: Mizuki-sensei_

I lamented my lack of a Clan name for a moment before the realization struck me.

I must have the worst-or was it the best?-luck in the world. I recognized those names. Quickly glancing at the rest of the list I spotted several members of the Rookie 9 and knew that in time all of them would join this class.

This opened up a whole new can of worms. I was hell-bent on passing the Genin test but if I did then I would be pushing someone else out of the picture. Or could I get put on a different squad altogether and still pass? But if only three teams were allowed to pass then that wouldn't be possible…

Sigh. Great. I just clear my plate of impossible decisions and I was just handed another one. As was so often the case with my life I pushed the thoughts aside. I had a minimum of seven years of training before the Graduation Exam. I was sure that in that amount of time I would be able to find a solution.

I made my way to the classroom indicated and found an empty seat near the back of the class. Both because it was the mark of a good ninja to have your back to a wall and because I wanted to get a better look at the other students.

I paused. In my old world if I had voiced such thoughts about something as simple as finding an empty desk I would have been laughed at. Here it was the mark of a good Shinobi.

It just goes to show how much of our thoughts are colored by perception.

Glancing around I spotted a few of them. Shikamaru and Chouji were in the back row like me but were one desk over. In the front row I spotted Sakura and I saw a girl I was pretty sure was Hinata off to the side. It was hard to tell without being able to see her face and, more importantly, her rather distinctive eyes.

I either couldn't see anyone else or they were in a different room.

The rest of the class was rather unremarkable except for the fact that they were loud. Loud and annoying.

When were the teachers supposed to arrive?

As if summoned by my thoughts a moment later Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei arrived and quickly brought the classroom to order.

"Welcome to the Ninja Academy. Before we begin I would like everyone to stand and introduce themselves to get things started."

Not quite what I was expecting but it seemed like a decent way to start out a school year. Not to mention that even though this was a Ninja school we were only in our first year so things would probably start off simple.

After confirming that the girl I had seen earlier had in fact been Hinata I let my mind wander. This was boring. I knew that we wouldn't start out doing anything really dangerous or amazing but still I had expected… well I wasn't sure what I had expected but it wasn't this.

I stopped my train of thought when I realized that I was being stared at by the rest of the class. I turned my attention to Iruka-sensei hoping for an explanation. He started to say something but was cut off by Mizuki.

"If you had been paying attention you would know that it's your turn to introduce yourself."

As I stood up I felt my cheeks burning and was sure that my face would have put a tomato to shame.

Nevertheless I vowed to not let it bother me. Lots of people got distracted especially when they were nervous. In a few minutes this would be forgotten and no one would care so long as I made a good first impression.

So naturally my voice chose that moment to stop working properly. Maybe it was my nerves or the fact that I had just embarrassed myself but I couldn't seem to raise my voice above a quiet mumble. "My name is Ak-Akira."

Dammit! Why did I have to pick now of all times to develop a stutter? Even Hinata had been able to introduce herself normally!

Apparently Mizuki found my introduction amusing because I could definitely hear him quietly laughing. And I was on the other side of the room.

Looking over at me he said "Aki-kun? What the hell kinda name is-"

Suddenly gaining the use of my voice again I snapped "It's AKIRA! If you're gonna insult me at least get it right!"

I blinked. 'What did I just say?'

His voice dripping with sarcasm he replied "Well then _Akira-kun_ I shall endeavour to do my best to remember your proper name. You can tell me how to properly pronounce it after school as you now have the honor of being the first student to receive detention from me this year. Now please sit down and stop making a fool of yourself."

I bit back the retort that was on my lips and lowered myself into my chair. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but there was something about him that rubbed me the wrong way-

'Wait a second! Did he just say Akira-_KUN? _He thought I was a _BOY_?'

I might dress like a boy but I couldn't be that androgynous… could I?

Cutting off the next persons introductions I stood and said "Mizuki-Sensei there's something you should know-"

Interrupting me he said "Your time in detention has now been doubled. If I hear another word come out of your mouth it will be tripled. Understand?"

My mouth snapped shut. I sat down again this time surrounded by snickers from everyone around me.

After that I elected to remain silent throughout the rest of the morning.

After everyone else introduced themselves we went through normal first day of school procedures. Handing out textbooks and class schedules, listing the rules and making sure everyone new there way around the building, and handing out nametags so we could learn each other's names. Perfectly normal things that were done at every school I had ever been to.

It kinda destroyed the wonder at being in a _Ninja_ school when you realized that it was still _school_.

Another problem arose when we were told to open up one of the textbooks we were given and read the first chapter. At this point I made a startling discovery.

I could barely read it. I understood a fair bit of it but large sections of the pages made no sense to me at all.

I had been learning how to read and write for a while now and I had thought my skill level was advanced for a kid. Clearly I was wrong.

I started to raise my hand and then hesitated. If I asked for help now then everyone would hear me and my already failing reputation would plummet.

Sighing I lowered my half-raised arm and told myself I would ask Iruka-sensei for help once lunch hour had begun.

I had hoped that since I had been learning how to read and write for a while now that I would be able to easily handle the early assignments we would be given. To find out so suddenly that I was this far behind was a little disheartening.

Since I couldn't read the assignment I instead turned my attention toward the other students. Some, like Sakura and Hinata, were reading diligently while others were clearly goofing off.

And I could tell that a few where just itching to start something. They weren't reading and seemed to be sizing up everyone else in the room.

Fortunately before they got the chance Iruka-sensei announced that it was time for lunch and that we could spend it out in the Academy grounds.

Glancing at the clock I was surprised that so much time had already gone by. In a way I was glad however because now I would be able to ask for help without embarrassing myself further.

Waiting until everyone else had left except for Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei I walked up to the front of the class. I had hoped to catch Iruka-sensei on his own but it looked like they were getting ready to leave and I needed help now.

Noticing my presence Iruka-sensei turned to me and said "Is there something you needed help with Akira-kun?"

'Not you too Iruka-sensei!' I felt like punching Mizuki-sensei for the misunderstanding he had caused.

But that would be counter-productive and I did need help so I decided to ask for it like I had planned instead of correcting his mistake so I wouldn't get side-tracked.

Taking a deep breath I decided to be blunt "I'm having some trouble reading it and I was hoping I could get some uh, I don't know… supplementary reading courses or something like that?" my voice grew softer and softer as I continued due to the look on Mizuki-sensei's face as he listened to me talk.

"You can't even read? Kid, just do us all a favor and drop out right now will you? If you can't even read you're probably going to be dropped from the program altogether in a few years anyway and this way you won't waste our time teaching a talentless brat like you."

I glared daggers at him as he turned and left. Mizuki-sensei was _really_ starting to get on my nerves.

Yeah I'll admit I was further behind than I anticipated but I knew I could catch up-

"He might have a point you know." Iruka's soft voice intruded on my thoughts and I looked up at him startled.

After the way he treated me when I had tried to introduce myself I half-expected a reaction like that from Mizuki- but Iruka?

Seeing the look on my face he continued "This school requires hard work and dedication. We don't give special attention to anyone and if you're having trouble already? Everyone isn't cut out to be a Ninja you know."

He placed a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. "There are plenty of civilian schools that would be happy to have another student."

I could only stare. I hadn't expected to be the top in the class but to be singled out as a failure before even one day had gone by?

I stared at the floor. "But…I want to be a Ninja…" my voice sounded pathetic even to me.

Iruka smiled sadly at me and I could tell this was a conversation he had had before.

"So long as you're willing to try there will be a place for you here. Just know that it's not going to be easy and there are other options for you out there if it becomes too much for you."

After that he told me he would give me a hand when he could but for now I should go and enjoy the rest of the lunch hour.

I left without saying another word.

I went to sit underneath a tree by myself and picked at the lunch I had brought with me suddenly no longer feeling hungry.

They already thought I wouldn't be able to make it till graduation? It seemed almost unreal.

But then again being a Ninja _was_ considered an honor. And just about every family had at least one member who wanted to become a Ninja.

Hell there was more than a few entire clans that dedicated themselves to the Shinobi arts. And out of all those candidates there were bound to be a fair few who simply couldn't cut it. That was common knowledge.

I just never considered that I would be one of the ones who couldn't hack it.

But then again who does?

I looked up at the other kids and a small petty part of me was hoping I would see someone else who had also been told the same thing. Misery loves company and all that.

But it seemed that fate was refusing me even that small comfort.

All I saw were kids being kids. There were loud ones and quiet ones. Some were packed in bunches and others were clearly loners. And some just looked plain confused.

But none looked miserable.

Taking a bite of my food I thought about Iruka-sensei's and Mizuki-Sensei's reaction to my reading skills or lack thereof. Did they really think I wasn't even worth teaching? No it couldn't be that. I couldn't possibly be the only student to ever have trouble just after starting out.

Or could that really be all there was too it?

I swallowed the food I was eating and frowned.

When you looked at how the Academy courses were structured and what it took to pass it certainly wasn't out of the realm of possibilities.

The fact was that not everyone would be making it to graduation and of those who would be graduating only nine would pass the bar and become full Genin while the rest would either have to repeat the year or join the Medical-Core or the Genin-Corps.

And of those who would make the final cut to full Genin it went unspoken that most would be from prominent Clans. The instructors and Jonin never showed any special preference to them, it was just that Clan children started out with a big advantage because they were trained in their Clan techniques from an early age. And on top of that they would be ahead in all the basic courses that all Academy students were required to take.

A no-name orphan like me barely able to read her textbooks normally wouldn't have any real chance of passing all the classes and graduating much less making the leap to full Genin.

So it wasn't any real surprise that I wasn't being given special attention or even that I was outright told to quit the program in Mizuki-sensei's case.

I shook my head trying to clear it of the negative thoughts. I wasn't a quitter and I wouldn't give up just because of a bumpy start! All that meant was that I needed to start taking things more seriously.

With my resolve restored I finished lunch and headed back inside determined to do better than I had this morning.

After lunch however came Taijutsu classes. In other words Gym.

Unlike the theoretical courses I knew that I would be behind in the physical department so I was more prepared for the dead-last comments that were sure to be thrown my way.

I had always had a tendency to come down with a sudden illness whenever mandatory sports days cropped up at school so it wasn't surprising that I was behind the others.

Right from the get-go I was in last place. In jumping-jacks and sit-ups, push-ups and obstacle course runs.

Before I had always been able to coast through life on my brains alone and I just wasn't prepared for the physical side of things to be so important.

But even so I didn't think I would be _this_ far behind. It's one thing to know it's going to be tough but it's another when you're only half done running laps and are already a lap behind with ten more to go.

And I discovered something else during Taijutsu training.

I found out Mizuki-sensei was one of _them_. The kind of teacher that takes a twisted kind of pleasure in tormenting his students.

And let me tell you right now there is nothing more humiliating than having the rest of the class watch you when you're trying to finish the last lap of the day. Especially when their all done and the only reason they haven't left is because you're not.

After that I was pretty sure I none of them were going to be making me their friend.

Once I had finally finished my last lap I heard Iruka-sensei call out in a relieved voice "Okay everyone you can go home now."

The sound of those words was like a brilliant flash of light in the darkness.

After such a horrible day I could finally go home and curse the unfairness of the world.

But I still needed to stop at the library. That wasn't optional. I needed a more advanced book on learning Japanese so I could learn the language as fast as I could. Clearly the pace I was learning at right now wasn't adequate.

And I needed to pick up some supper. I was starving but didn't have the energy to cook, not even something simple.

After catching my breath I was about to leave only for a hand to land on my shoulder stopping me. I looked up into the face of a smiling Mizuki-sensei and cringed. I could tell something was about to go horribly wrong.

"What Iruka meant to say was that everyone can go home now except you… or have you forgotten about your detention already?"

I gulped. I _had _forgotten about it. "Wh-what do I have to do for detention?" For a moment my stutter pissed me off. This time it was due to exhaustion not nerves but still it was annoying.

But then the exhaustion kicked in and I figured that it took to much energy to be angry so I ignored the feeling.

The grin on Mizuki-sensei's face got even bigger. "Well normally since it's the first day I would have you write lines for an hour but since your writing skills aren't up to par yet I have a better idea."

Pointing at the training course he said in a way to cheerful voice "You get to run another twenty laps!"

My jaw hit the ground. He had to be joking. He HAD to be! By the end of the first set I was barely walking the last lap and he wanted me to run more?

I looked at Iruka-sensei pleadingly but he just shrugged. "Sorry but the teacher who assigns the detention gets to decide what it entails and running laps is an acceptable punishment."

Sighing in defeat I walked toward the starting line to begin only to hear Mizuki-sensei call out "Oh and since the detention was doubled you get to run 40 laps instead of 20."

I suddenly felt like crying.

As I began to run, this time all alone, I looked back on my first day of school and groaned. I honestly don't think it could have gone any worse than it had.

I was basically the class laughing stock, I was behind in the theoretical courses and was so far behind everyone else in the physical department that it was laughable. And having to run extra laps certainly wasn't helping my mood any.

Not to mention that I still hadn't cleared the air about my not being a boy!

I sighed again. 'Well on the plus side I don't think things can possibly go worse tomorrow.'


	4. Perseverance

_Courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair-Rollo May_

Chapter 3: Perseverance

I was wrong. I was so very very wrong.

I had hoped that my disastrous first day had come more from too high expectations and from a lack of preparation as opposed to being par for the course.

Based on the way I felt the next morning however I was clearly mistaken.

_Everything hurt_. Every bone in my body felt strained and every muscle throbbed.

I dragged myself out of bed and went through my morning routine.

Slowly.

As I started moving my body began to feel a little bit better. Not by much but moving around did seem to help.

After I finished eating I got dressed and made my way to the Academy once again far earlier than I had intended. Not out of excitement. This time I left early because I needed the extra time to get there. I wasn't going to be moving quickly for a while.

If it had just been the training that they were putting us all through it wouldn't have been so bad but it was made far worse because of all the laps that Mizuki-sensei had made me run.

And because of them I had been too tired and sore to get a new book on learning Japanese or supper. Missing a meal had been annoying but the worst part was not getting that book. Since I had failed to do so I could expect to be unable to understand today's classes as well. Today was not going to be fun.

And that wasn't even taking into account today's taijutsu class which was definitely going to be more difficult than yesterday if for no other reason than how worn out I still felt.

Once I got to the Academy things went about as well as could be expected. The theory and technical part was difficult to understand and I ended up spending lunch alone again.

It wasn't so bad since I had known what to expect today and the only thing that really annoyed me was that during role call I had answered to 'Akira-kun' instead of correcting Iruka-sensei like I had planned.

Oh well. I had been too tired to really care today.

And then taijutsu class arrived. Things went far worse than I had anticipated. I knew things would be difficult because I was still feeling out of it but I hadn't expected it to go _this_ badly. Once my muscles warmed up things went about as well as yesterday even if I was further behind than I had been the day before but then came what I had been dreading: laps.

It wasn't the running itself that I was dreading but rather the reaction I knew I was going to get from the rest of the class and especially from Mizuki-sensei and Iruka-sensei.

It was horrible. I was _regularly_ overlapped by the rest of the class and had to listen to jeers and taunts from them and I discovered that I was universally considered to be this year's dead-last by just about everyone, even Iruka-sensei. He didn't call me that in front of anyone but he also didn't stop Mizuki-sensei whenever he said it.

By the time I was finally finished Mizuki-sensei had already let everyone else go home because I was taking so long that the other students were starting to get restless.

Mizuki-sensei just left muttering 'hopeless' and Iruka-sensei apologized for him and left after reminding me that the civilian schools were still accepting applicants.

After they left I hung my head in despair.

Was it always going to be like this? Was I always going to be useless? I knew that two days wasn't nearly enough time to properly gauge my skill level especially since I was just starting out but that didn't change the fact that I was so far behind my peers that it was laughable.

Would my presence even matter if I was this bad? Heck maybe I would just make things worse by giving all of my opponents an easy target.

After a few more minutes of self-pity I shook my head to try and clear my mind.

I couldn't let myself think like that. Naruto had also been regarded as the dead last for a long time. It hadn't been until the Chunin Exams that he was taken seriously by anyone. If he could do that then so could I.

I was having problems just about everywhere but the two biggest were my inability to read the assignments and running laps. Both could be solved quite simply. Not easily but they could be solved.

First stop: the library. I picked up a few more advanced books on learning to read the various written forms of the Japanese language and a dictionary for words I didn't understand.

After dropping them off at my apartment (I still had trouble thinking of it as "home") I took steps to remedy the second major problem I was having, namely running laps. There was no easy solution to this problem. The simple fact of the matter was that running laps was a physical activity and the only way to improve upon it was to run even more than I was at the Academy to improve my stamina.

I decided to start out with one lap around the village (inside the village walls of course) until I could run the entire length with stopping. After that I would increase to two and then three and so on.

It was annoying but that didn't change the fact that it was necessary.

And that's the way my first few weeks went more or less. Excruciatingly slow improvement coupled with ridicule that made me want to quit trying altogether.

One day when I arrived at the Academy I noticed a group of students looking at something pinned to the wall. Making my way over I saw what they were all reading. It was a notice that special Kunoichi classes would be starting at the beginning of next week and all female Shinobi were expected to participate.

I felt like jumping for joy. Finally I had a way to prove to everyone that I was actually a girl and not a boy! That was a misunderstanding that I felt had gone on for far too long.

However my good mood evaporated once I noticed just what these classes would consist of. Cooking, singing, dancing just to name a few and…flower arranging? I shuddered.

"They actually expect us to learn something like this?" I said in disbelief.

"You know I can understand how you're the dead last if you can't even read." I turned around and looked at the person who spoke. He had short light brown hair and brown eyes with a smirk on his face. I think his name was Hiroko.

"What are you talking about?" I said in an annoyed tone.

He pointed to the paper and said "Those are 'Kunoichi' classes. Guys don't hafta take em."

My face lit up. I had an out! But if I didn't attend them…

Up until now I had only been considered a boy because of a misunderstanding and because I felt too awkward to bring up the subject of my actual gender to anyone. These classes gave me the perfect excuse to finally clear things up.

Except that it would mean I would need to attend these completely _useless_ classes. The thought of that alone was enough to make me shudder.

But if I let him believe that I actually was a boy then it would be the first time I had intentionally lied to people about it.

And I would have to _continue_ lying about it from here on out. These special "Kunoichi Only Classes" were mandatory. If I weaseled my way out of them now and was discovered later on than I would no doubt be forced to take them then and wouldn't that be just peachy?

I looked back at the list of things they planned on teaching and weighed my options. It basically came down to a few days of embarrassment and a couple days a week of utter boredom vs. possibly spending years lying to everyone around me.

After a moments consideration the answer was obvious.

I pretended to sigh in relief and said "Oh thank Kami. I was worried there for a moment." And then went to my seat and sat down seemingly without a care in the world.

What other choice did I have? There was no way in _hell_ I was wasting my time learning how to arrange flowers.

And so from that day forward, as far as everyone else was concerned, I was a boy.

Pretending to be a boy was surprisingly easy. Once I had made the choice I found that there was actually very little I had to do to maintain the façade. I looked and acted like a boy already and everyone already knew me as 'Akira-kun' so I just sort of neglected to correct people.

This isn't to say that there weren't any problems but they were fairly easily overcome. I suppose the only thing I really had to worry about was when my body would eventually start developing. I highly doubted I would ever be what you would call 'beautiful' but there was sure to come a point when the differences would become too much to ignore and my ruse would be discovered.

Hopefully that would happen after I had graduated and wouldn't have to worry about being forced to retake the 'Kunoichi Classes'.

Even though I had managed to skip out on the Kunoichi classes I still had regular classes to contend with.

Maybe it was because he thought I was an easy target but after that day for some reason Hiroko went out of his way to bully me. It wasn't anything drastic or really horrible. We were just kids after all but still it was annoying as hell.

The small things he did weren't so bad. From the perspective of an adult it was almost silly. He'd bump into me causing whatever was in my arms to spill and more than once my lunch would disappear. But as I said before these things weren't really annoying.

The really annoying part was when during taijutsu classes he would spend the entire time taunting me and getting everyone he could to join him.

He also went out of his way to try and mess me up during practice. He would distract me at the wrong moment causing me to screw up in easy things like jumping rope or would trip me while running laps.

It wasn't like he was messing up anything important since I was having so much trouble but things were hard enough as it was and I really didn't need him making things even harder. Not to mention that having half the class making fun of me on a regular basis was really starting to get on my nerves.

I tried to tell myself that they were just kids and were especially susceptible to mob mentality since they didn't really understand that what they were doing was wrong but listening to them belittle me every day was wearing me down.

I may have been an adult but no one is able to take this much ridicule and still function properly.

It was after a month of this that things finally came to a head. We were doing our daily laps after our first actual taijutsu practice (practicing punching and kicking training dummies instead of just general exercise) when it happened.

He came up behind me starting with his usual taunts the moment he knew I could hear him and I just _snapped_.

The moment he was close enough I turned around and slugged him. I was so angry I couldn't remember consciously making a choice I just reacted. Stop moving. Pivot. Turn. _Punch_.

My fist connected with his nose and his head snapped back, the attack made worse by his forward momentum. He staggered backwards and fell down blood streaming from his nostrils.

I had knocked him unconscious.

Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei immediately came over and took stock of things. Iruka-sensei picked Hiroko up and said he was going to take him to the hospital while Mizuki-sensei instructed everyone else to keep running.

After that he turned toward me and gave me an appraising once over as if he was seeing me for the first time. "Maybe there's hope for the hopeless after all."

I honestly wasn't sure what to make of that statement. Was he actually praising the fact that I had sucker punched someone? Being underhanded wasn't exactly a bad thing amongst Ninja but there were obvious boundaries. Slugging a fellow student in a non-combat environment was definitely frowned on.

Don't get me wrong I was happy for the praise, the first of which I had received since enrolling, but the circumstances surrounding it seemed… off.

Or maybe it was just my feelings toward Mizuki-sensei clouding my judgment. Like I said before there was something about him that just didn't sit right with me.

I didn't have time to finish the train of thought however as Mizuki-sensei promptly told me to start running again and gave me a week's worth of detention for attacking another student.

As I started running again I thought about what had made me snap. It wasn't the taunting itself per se it was more along the lines of what was behind the taunts. I was the dead last of our year and so far behind that everyone expected me to drop out within a few days. The fact that I was still hanging in there after a month was lost on them.

I had the desire, the _will_ to become a Ninja but lacked the skills and even the teachers didn't think it was worth their time to try and help me.

And then I realized something else. I was _angry_. I was angry at just about everyone. No one thought I had what it took to become a Shinobi even though I was trying my hardest.

I may be quiet and may have always tried to avoid confrontations whenever possible but more than that I was _stubborn_. So they thought I wasn't cut out to be a Shinobi? They could go screw themselves! If for no other reason than to prove them wrong I was going to be one of the top students in the entire grade!

With a renewed sense of purpose I started running faster than I had been before. I may have been tired but like hell was I going to stop. I was going to prove them wrong or die trying.

After that day I began bringing my dictionary with me to class. It took far longer to get through the work given to us but now at least I was able to get through entire assignments and was able to answer all the questions with complete if simple answers.

My physical skills were still subpar but the after doubling the amount of after school training that I was doing I finally started to see real results and after a few months I was finally more or less average with the rest of my classmates although my reputation as dead-last had yet to fade.

For the rest of our first year at the Academy things actually quieted down after my little stunt on the training course. I was still considered the dead last of our year but now at least no one was willing to call me that to my face unless they were in a group and I was still occasionally the target of bullies.

It wasn't much but it was a start.

At the beginning of our second year, shortly after my sixth birthday we started learning a basic version of the Academy's fighting style meant for younger children, one that focused on dodging and blocking since any opponents we were likely to face would be bigger and stronger than us.

We also took part in our first sparring matches.

And it was during sparring that my time to shine had finally come. It wasn't that the other students were weaker or slower, in fact I was still pretty much the weakest in our year. It was that the other students lacked commitment. They thought of sparring as a game, a few light punches and kicks with easy dodges, the winner being decided by how many times they were struck.

I on the other hand knew what was coming. Invasion. Betrayal. War. _Madara_. I couldn't afford to treat this as a game.

So instead I went all out right from the get go. My first opponent was down in a matter of seconds, an elbow to the temple dropping her after just one hit.

My second and third opponents fared little better.

I knew it would change, that as the others improved and began to realize that this wasn't a game that they would become harder to defeat. But I was going to get stronger as well.

Surprisingly enough my title of dead last still persisted. Probably because everyone had become so used to calling me that over the previous year and as the saying goes 'old habits die hard'.

It was after a few weeks of this that everything changed. I was assigned to fight a student who had been moved to my class at the beginning of the year.

Kiba Inuzuka. As in, you know, Kiba.

I almost didn't recognize him. He was scrawny and didn't have anywhere near the amount of muscle he would one day come to possess and his hair was so short you could only see the beginnings of the wild scraggily look that the Inuzuka Clan were famous for. I saw a flash of white and looked down at his ankles only to see a puppy sitting in between his feet that I assumed had to be Akamaru.

Iruka-sensei motioned for us to step forward into the ring after telling Kiba that Akamaru had to sit this one out.

"Heh, no problem Iruka-sensei. I could beat this loser in my sleep." He barely glanced at me before motioning for Akamaru to wait by the side of the ring.

His dismissive attitude got on my nerves almost immediately. I had worked hard, clawing my way into the average category after starting out as worse than mediocre and without even trying, quite possibly without even meaning to, Kiba had spit on all of my hard work. It never even crossed his mind that I could be a threat.

For the first time since Hiroko I wanted to smash someone's face in for no other reason than the sheer pleasure of it.

Turning back to face me Kiba said "So I hear you're undefeated. How someone as weak as you is still undefeated is beyond me."

With every word that he said I was just getting angrier and angrier. My logical side said that this was probably what he wanted to happen but I just couldn't help myself. He was being a jerk plain and simple.

"Well I hope you're not too attached to your winning streak cause I'm about to break it!" And with that he got down on all fours in a stance would allow him to spring into action the moment the round began.

His fingers didn't turn into claws and his chakra didn't feel any different so it was unlikely he would be using any of his Clan's techniques but that didn't change the fact that the Inuzuka style of fighting was wild and unpredictable.

I could hear the other students rooting for Kiba, all but ordering him to beat me and show the dead last whose boss.

Seriously how long was that title going to stick around? Skill wise I might not be in the lead (yet) but I definitely wasn't dead last anymore.

I stopped that train of thought before it could really begin and sank into my preferred fighting stance. Pondering over the thought process of a bunch of kids was fine and dandy when I had nothing better to do but right now my attention needed to be focused on my opponent. Even without the body-enhancing Jutsu's he would eventually learn Kiba was going to be a tough nut to crack. The Inuzuka Clan were famed for two things: their tracking ability and their mastery over close range combat.

In short: this wasn't going to be easy.

Iruka-sensei looked us over one last time and seeing that we were both ready shouted "Begin!"

And with that Kiba sprang into action launching himself at me from across the ring. I managed to dodge to the left but he must have been expecting that since he dropped even lower to the ground and swung out at me with his leg, causing me to trip and fall face first into the ground much to the amusement of everyone watching.

I quickly got up and swung at him but he swatted my hand away as if I hadn't even been trying and landed a punch on my shoulder.

It was the first time I'd actually been hit since we had started sparring and let me tell you right now it _hurts_. And this was just a light punch in a friendly sparring match. I made a mental note to start working on my pain tolerance in the near future. I wouldn't last long in a serious fight if one or two hits could take me out.

Before I could even try and counter attack he took advantage of my disorientation to launch a series of lighter attacks that steadily drove me backwards before a kick to side caused me to double over in pain.

"Seriously? This is the best you've got? I was just trash talking earlier but man you really are weak!" Kiba sounded absolutely _floored_. Like he couldn't believe that _anyone_ could actually be this weak.

And I had to agree with him.

I knew that his clan training would give him an edge and that if he took me even the slightest bit seriously I would lose but I had thought I would be able to put up a bit more of a fight than this.

I was already out of breath and hurting in places I'd never hurt before and Kiba hadn't even broken a sweat. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down and assess the situation.

I wasn't going to beat him conventionally. He was simply too fast and too strong compared to where I was right now. And he had been learning his family's style of Taijutsu on top of that. All in all I was clearly outmatched.

I needed something to level the playing field.

I would never win in a prolonged fight. I needed to end this quickly with one decisive blow. That was my only chance. But how to go about it?

I looked at his stance at how he preferred to fight on all fours like an animal, the trademark of the Inuzuka Clan. And that's when it struck me.

Because the Inuzuka style required the user to drop to all fours the majority of their attacks came from a lower centre of gravity, always swinging upwards and putting the force of their jumps behind their punches. Which was a very effective style of fighting, multiplying the force of their punches for less effort per punch.

But it also left them vulnerable. Until he properly developed his other senses to help guide him in battle Kiba would need to rely on his eyes in a fight and consequently would need a moment to reorient himself after every attack so he could pull away from me and prepare to attack again, a flaw that would normally be overcome by Akamaru.

After a moment I had formed a plan. A stupid-ass plan that probably wouldn't work but since it was all I had I decided to give it a whirl. Not like I had anything to lose anyway.

Steeling myself for what was to come I charged forward running right at Kiba. We traded blows for a few moments before he started to push me back the smirk on his face only growing larger.

And then it happened. He crouched down readying his next attack and I swung at him deliberately overshooting my target and only landing a glancing blow on his left shoulder praying he would take the bait.

He took the bait.

Springing forward his fist connected with my gut so hard I felt spittle fly from my mouth. Kiba just grinned. "It's over."

Without warning I reached out and grabbed his wrist with both my hands. He hadn't even bothered putting any distance between us after delivering his punch, a sign of arrogance that would be his downfall.

I looked into his surprised eyes. "Your right." I gasped. "It's over." And with that I stepped back and pulled on his arm with as much strength as I had left. He was caught off balance and fell toward me with a look of surprise on his face. And just as he got close enough I brought my knee forward and smashed it into him as hard as I could, right between his eyes.

He was out like a light before he even hit the ground.

Mizuki-sensei gave Kiba a once over as Iruka-sensei announced the results of our spar to a shocked crowd. Unlike all my previous opponents Kiba wasn't some orphan with no training or a member of a Clan that didn't focus on physical confrontations. He was an _Inuzuka_ a member of a Clan that focused almost entirely on advanced Taijutsu techniques. In their eyes he should have crushed me.

In all honesty Kiba probably would have beaten me quite easily if he had taken me seriously from the start. It had only been a combination of quick thinking, luck, and Kiba's own arrogance that had allowed me to beat him.

The next day in class just as Iruka-sensei was trying to bring things to order Kiba came over and plopped down in the seat next to me without so much as a hello, Akamaru sitting on his head and growling at me lightly.

Kiba put his hands behind his head, kicked his feet up on the desk and leaned his chair back so it was only resting on two legs. Turning to me he said in a short clipped tone "Next time you're going down, understand?"

Was he trying to be intimidating? I looked at the way he was sitting and realized that there was only one thing I could do. I reached out and gently pushed on his shoulder.

With a startled cry he flailed around for a moment before tipping backwards and crashing down to the floor.

"You mean after this time, right?" I asked unable to keep the humor out of my voice. I held out my hand to help him get back to his feet and he just stared at it for a few seconds before getting a wicked grin on his face. I figured out what he was going to do a split second too late. He grabbed it and unceremoniously pulled me down onto the floor right next to him…right on top of his overturned chair.

After rubbing my stomach for a moment I looked at his grinning face at scowled. "That was uncalled for you rat bastard."

Kiba frowned at me in and said "Hey you can talk down to me all you want but no one makes fun of my Clan! Were dogs not rats!"

I couldn't tell if he was joking or if he was actually offended. Should I apologize or crack a joke? Or should I explain I wasn't serious? Or-

'Screw the indecisiveness and just go for it!' I mentally berated myself.

I grinned at him and pointed at Akamaru who was still sitting on top of Kiba's head despite the commotion we were causing. "I don't know he kinda looks like a rat if you ask me. All small and beady eyed-"

I was forced to stop when Akamaru leapt from the top of Kiba's head and landed on mine and proceeded to bite and pull on my hair. Not hard enough to cause real pain but hard enough to get his point across. "Okay okay I'm sorry I'm sorry!" I said trying hard not to giggle at the absurdity of the whole situation.

His point apparently made he let go of my hair (now covered in dog drool) and flopped down on top of my head to take a nap.

I looked upward as best I could and said in annoyance "Oh so you think just because I apologized you get to do whatever you want to do now huh?"

His response was to crack open an eye and I swear to god he looked as though he was smirking. I couldn't help it he was being too cute. I reached up and scratched him behind the ears which caused him to make a contented sound in the back of his throat.

Kiba, in mock annoyance pointed at Akamaru and said "Hey you traitor you're not supposed to let the enemy off so easily!"

In response Akamaru gave a half-hearted bark in Kiba's direction. I think he was enjoying himself too much to really care what Kiba thought.

I was about to say something else when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around and looked up into the faces of an angry Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei and I blushed as I realized that all this had happened _during class_. Kiba just had a look on his face like he couldn't care less.

Much to my surprise after that day Kiba actually became my friend despite the detention we had both received. He didn't ask me to be his friend or anything, but the next day he made a point of sitting next to me in class. He was loud, disruptive and because of him I would end up receiving more detention's than I could count but despite all that I actually found that I enjoyed spending time with him. Even going so far as inviting him to join me in my after school training. He had his own training to do but he did end up joining me a couple times.

And I'm pretty sure it was from hanging out with Kiba so much that I developed my love of fighting. I didn't intentionally seek out fights the way he did. In fact, if at all possible, I preferred to settle things peacefully.

But if I had to fight there was no denying that I _enjoyed_ it. Especially if my opponent was stronger than I was. Being pushed to my limits and being forced to surpass them if I wanted to win all the while knowing that defeat was only one wrong move away… a very large part of me lived for that sensation.

And one other good thing happened after my fight with Kiba. My title of dead last finally withered and died. I actually think I scared some of my classmates now, since most of them would cringe whenever I was announced as their opponent.

Time continued to march onward. Classes became harder and in some cases more brutal. Slowly but surely we were being pushed toward the reality of what being a ninja really meant. It was such a slow process that at first even I didn't realize it was happening. But the end result was the same. We were being conditioned.

Midway through our second year we were given our first set of wooden Kunai and Shuriken and were drilled for over an hour a day on the proper way to throw, store, and clean them. We were also given metal ones, under the strict supervision of either Iruka-sensei or Mizuki-sensei, to practice repairing and sharpening them for when we received our own set.

Along with getting our first set of ninja gear, even if it was only just wooden practice gear, we were also given our first lesson on chakra. They didn't really extend past the existence of chakra and its use in Jutsu's other than to warn us that under no circumstances were we to attempt anything even remotely related to chakra on our own since it could be extremely dangerous to both ourselves and others.

If this was all they were going to teach us I was confused as to why they would even bring it up until they got to the real reason behind the lesson: hand seals and how they are used in conjunction with chakra to form Jutsu's.

From that day onward we were endlessly drilled on hand seals. How to recognise them, how to form them, and what they were most often associated with for starters. Which is something far more complicated and useful than you would imagine. If you knew what hand seals a person was using to perform a jutsu you could determine a _lot_ about it. It's elemental affinity, how to counter it, how long it lasts, how much chakra it uses, how difficult it would be to unravel or block and so much more.

All very useful information but even so hand seals were hell to perform correctly. If there was even the slightest mistake in even a single hand seal your entire Jutsu could fall apart wasting time and chakra. I had no idea how anyone was able to perform them so quickly. More than once Kiba found me sitting by myself quietly cursing under my breath as I tried to force my hands into positions that were entirely unnatural for them to go into. In the time it took me to properly form a single hand seal a skilled ninja would have been able to take me out.

Actually an _unskilled_ Ninja could probably take me out at the speed I was going.

So many times I wanted to just give up on them out of sheer frustration but I always just ended up sighing and practicing some more. This was something that needed to become second nature _very_ quickly so all I could really do was grin and bare it.

As time continued to pass more students' transferred to our class as others began dropping out shrinking our year's group down to less than 60 even though more than 100 had started out. My skill with the Japanese language finally came up to scratch and even though I was finally on par with the rest of my classmates I still persisted in learning the more advanced forms of it, the thought of falling behind again when we advanced to the next level driving me to become as fluent with the written and spoken forms of Japanese as I had been with English.

By the time I turned 8 there wasn't a book I couldn't read in the entire village. Which isn't to say I could understand all of them. Books about sealing and advanced jutsu were sure to go right over my head but that was to be expected at my level.

One great thing that happened with my mastering Japanese was that, on the theoretical side of things at least, I jumped to the head of the class a feat that greatly surprised Iruka-sensei who congratulated me on my accomplishment.

I was so proud and so happy at finally getting praise after putting in so much time and effort that I made sure to always have the top score from that point onward. It wasn't exactly difficult. The problems themselves weren't that tough, it was really only the language barrier that had held me back beforehand. With that out of the way the tests given to 8 year olds were so simple I couldn't believe that I had ever had trouble with them.

It was after one of the rare after school training sessions where Kiba joined me that he pointed something out to me. Apparently he had noticed that my hair was growing longer and according to him needed to be cut straight away because I was starting to look like a girl.

For a moment I wondered why this was a bad thing. And then I remembered. Cooking, dancing, singing…_flower arranging_. Ugh. Yeah a change was definitely in order if it meant I could avoid _that_.

But what kind of change did I need? I didn't want to cut it because I liked my hair but I couldn't just let it keep growing either. And I didn't want a look that would make me look ugly either. I may have become committed to the whole 'let everyone believe that I'm actually a guy' thing but I didn't want to sacrifice my appearance just to maintain that illusion.

The top and bottom of it was that I needed a style that was more masculine that didn't make me _look_ more masculine. I needed something that would maintain the status quo.

I stood in front of the mirror later that day and tried several different looks before settling on a single braid that hung down to my shoulder blades leaving a few shorter locks of hair to frame my face.

I smiled satisfied with my appearance. It served a second function by keeping my hair out of my eyes and since I could just increase the length of my braid as my hair continued to grow I wouldn't have to worry about finding a new style later on down the road.

Kiba just sighed when he saw my new look the next day when we arrived at the Academy. "Well…it's an improvement I suppose. You don't look _as_ girly anymore-"

Kiba had to stop talking as he was tackled to the ground by an extremely annoyed girl who happened to like her new look. Namely ME. What followed was an impromptu wrestling match that only ended when Iruka-sensei threatened us with detention for disrupting class _again_ if we didn't stop fighting and told us to get to our seats _right this second!_

I started quietly laughing to myself even as Kiba and I went to sit down.

I was no longer the dead last and actually had a friend. Two things that not so long ago had almost seemed like impossible, unattainable dreams.

Things were finally starting to look up.


	5. Realization

**AN: Sorry for taking so long to get this chapter out. I wrote and wrote but nothing seemed to come together for it and a lot of what I did end up writing didn't fit chronologically so I had to put it aside. Trying to pick out the one or two events out of the hundreds that happen to someone in any given year that are relevant to the story and telling them in a chronological sense is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Although on the plus side of things this means that my next chapter should come out much quicker.**

**Also I made a mistake when I described Akira's appearance back in Chapter 1. She has dark blue eyes not green. Sorry for the mix-up.**

**PsychoticSky-I agree wholeheartedly with you. The Kunoichi only classes probably are quite useful but Akira doesn't know that. All she knows is that there is a very long list of very girly things that they want her to learn. And as for how long she's going to remain a boy all I can say is you'll find out soon enough.**

_Have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference-Reinhold Niebuhr_

Chapter 4: Realization

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Over and over again I simply breathed in and out calming my breathing and slowing my heartbeat. It was break time and Kiba was nowhere to be found-I assumed he was off doing something that would earn him another detention-and I had nothing better to do since the Academy would be closing for the year soon, so after finishing lunch I decided to practice my chakra sensing capabilities.

On the surface I must have looked quite boring, seeing as all it looked like I was doing was sitting cross-legged and leaning against a tree. Internally however things were very different. While my body remained still I cast out my senses as far as they could go, continually pushing my limits further and further, trying to expand my sensing range as best I could. Only sensory types could truly discern all the different chakra signatures in a given area but I was determined to perfect the art of sensing as best I could. It was just too useful an ability not to have at least a rudimentary understanding of it.

And let me tell you right now it was _incredible_… and indescribable. Trying to adequately describe what a single chakra signature feels like is difficult. Trying to explain how it felt to feel hundreds was impossible.

So many different chakra's all in one area. Some were big others were small. Some felt bright and inviting and others were dark and withdrawn. There were many that I assumed had to be civilians because their chakra reserves were so small that it was difficult to sense them.

There were so many it could become overwhelming. It's easy to understand why sensory type Ninja's are so highly valued. To be able to sense and comprehend all of the different types of chakra and be able to use that information on the battlefield would be invaluable.

In addition to the chakra given off by other people I could also sense something…more. A different kind of chakra that permeated everything, even the air I was breathing. It was _like_ chakra but at the same time was also different in a fundamental way. The only way I could think to describe it was to liken it to the difference between mental and spiritual energy or maybe to the difference in yin and yang chakra. I resolved not to even attempt trying anything with it until I fully understood what it was. There was just too much risk involved to assume it wasn't dangerous.

Viewing the world with my chakra was exhilarating but it was also distracting. Everything felt so bright and colorful and studying the different kinds of chakra was so interesting that it was easy to lose track of time as I practiced.

More than once I had ended up in detention because of my lapse of attention and today was no different. Even as Iruka-sensei informed me of my fate and chided me for my tardiness I couldn't help but smile.

I had pushed my senses further today than I ever had before.

Serving my time in detention was a breeze. It always was with Iruka-sensei. He always made me take practice tests or some such intellectual thing that was now easy for me to complete.

Not to mention that this time it was more fun than it had been in a while because I had been right in my assumption that Kiba would be joining me. He refused to tell me what exactly he had done to deserve detention only giving half-hearted responses without any actual information in them.

My best guess was that whatever he had been doing had backfired on him so he got in trouble without even succeeding pulling off whatever it was that he had been trying to do.

After serving our time in detention Kiba and I parted ways. He had to get back home because his mother was threatening him with extra training if he got in trouble and he was hoping to avoid it by trying to head off any information leaks concerning his latest stay in detention.

With nothing else to do I decided to head home and get my homework finished so I could get started on my training. I was determined to keep at it especially since my assumption about my fellow classmates had been proven right. Once they started taking sparring more seriously my undefeated title had disappeared and my status was once again downgraded from 'exceptional' to 'run of the mill'. I still won a few of my matches but there was no question in anyone's mind that, physically at least, I was far from the top of the class even if my reputation as a ruthless fighter still caused people to dread a match with me.

The loss of my undefeated status was actually why I was so determined to keep my grades perfect. If I had to lose my place as my year's best fighter then there was no way I was also losing my place as the smartest in our year to.

I was about halfway home when I saw Itachi for the first time. It was impossible to miss him. He was carrying someone who I assumed had to be Sasuke on his back and had a slight smile on his face as he listened to Sasuke's complaints that he didn't need to be carried and could walk back on his own.

The moment I saw them I froze. They were on the opposite side of the street as me and probably didn't even notice my presence as they walked by.

Regaining my composure I continued walking home, my mind in turmoil.

_The Uchiha Massacre_.

How could I have forgotten about something so important?

I had been trying to remember as much as I could about what was going to happen but so much time had gone by that details were escaping me. Even taking that into account however, I still couldn't believe that I had forgotten something this important.

I hung my head in shame as I realized something. Even if this particular detail had stayed in my mind over the years I doubted I would have done anything anyways. As much as I hated to admit it there really wasn't anything I _could_ do.

The Uchiha clan was planning a coup and if successful they could very well plunge the world into another Great Shinobi War. They had to be stopped. Dozens would die so that the majority could continue to live in peace.

I tried to tell myself that there was nothing that could be done about it, that it was necessary and needed to happen and even if I did say something all I would probably accomplish was landing myself in an ANBU cell, or worse, executed. I said those words to myself so often that I almost started to believe them.

It didn't make the lump in my throat any easier to swallow when a few weeks later news of the Massacre spread throughout Konoha.

It seemed as if the entirety of Konoha was in a darkened mood for days. Every face I saw was sombre. These were people who had lost friends and neighbors and comrades. No one but the elders knew that they had been planning a coup. The Uchiha were a well-known clan and had ties to much of the village outside their clan compound.

It almost felt as if the whole village was in mourning.

When the New Year at the Academy started and Sasuke joined our class it was easy to see he was still shaken. He was pale and thin and his eyes had a wild look to them. He snapped at anyone who got close to him and at break time he avoided everyone choosing to sit off by himself.

I didn't blame him. Anyone in his situation would be rattled. The mere fact that he could drag himself to class so soon after the massacre was a testament to his ability to cope.

Part of me wanted to go over and try to cheer him up. But another, far larger part felt too guilty to even make the attempt. Realistically speaking there wasn't anything I could have done to prevent the massacre but even knowing that didn't do anything to help me work up the courage to go over and talk to him.

And even if I could have worked up the nerve to go up to him and say something what could I have really said? We didn't know each other and had never spoken previously so any words of comfort I tried to give would probably be interpreted the wrong way especially considering Sasuke's current frame of mind.

Despite all that I still wished I could have said something to alleviate some of the pain he was going through, something to make things _right_. But as much as I hated to admit it there wasn't anything I could do for him. At least not right now.

Many other students aside from Sasuke also came into our class at the start of the New Year, including many of the Rookie Nine. I think there were still around 40 kids total in my year so it was likely that they were still spread out over more than one class. And I don't mind telling you that things got _interesting_ with a certain blondes arrival.

Naruto announced his entrance into our class by standing in front of Iruka-sensei's desk, folding his arms, and loudly announcing "I'm Naruto Uzumaki and one day I'm gonna become Hokage!" I had to give it to him, he had guts. He stuck by his dream through thick and thin and his smile didn't even falter when the only response he got from the class was laughter.

"All right now everyone settle down. Naruto why don't you go find a seat?" Mizuki-sensei appeared to be trying to get everything back to normal after Naruto's outburst but he had a look in his eyes that seemed to say he agreed with the class's assessment of Naruto's chances.

As he passed by my desk I felt that I had to say something so I said the first thing that came to mind. "Don't let it get to you."

At the sound of my voice he turned around and gave me a look I couldn't decipher. I was aware of the rest of the class looking at us but I pushed ahead regardless. I knew what it felt like to have everyone against you and if I could help somebody else avoid that feeling of despair I would. "To become Hokage… that's a great dream and you're right to be proud of it. Don't let their laughter get you down."

He was still staring at me with that undecipherable look on his face and I wasn't sure what else to say. Things probably would have become awkward if Mizuki-sensei hadn't cleared his throat causing us to look at him. "While this is a… _touching_ moment I'm afraid that I must inform you that you're holding up the start of class and if you don't take your seat and start paying attention I'm going to have to give detention to the both of you."

I turned back towards the front of the classroom with my cheeks tinted red and after a few more moments I heard Naruto continue his walk down the aisle to an empty seat near the window. For the rest of the morning I felt Naruto's eyes boring a hole in the back of my head.

At break time Kiba and I were eating lunch when a shadow fell over me and I looked up only to see Naruto standing there with an unsure look on his face. "I was wondering… if you're okay with it… could I… eat lunch with you?"

For a moment I was surprised by how shy he sounded only to realize that he had probably gone through this before. I wondered how many times people had offered to be his friend only to throw it back in his face.

I smiled at him and patted the ground beside me. "No problem! Pull up a seat and dig in." His face lit up with a look of joy so bright it almost hurt to look at.

Once he was over his initial bout of shyness he became loud and talkative and fit right in with us. And that's really all it took to befriend Naruto. I couldn't get over how trusting he was especially considering what his childhood must have been like so far. A few words of encouragement and a lunch hour spent together and I had a friend for life.

On one hand it was nice to see that the hardships he had been through hadn't been able to change him. On the other hand I was a little bit worried about him because I knew that a trusting nature like his could become a liability in so many ways.

But the more I spent time with him the more I realized that it didn't matter if he was trusting or not. Sure he was loud, got angry easily and if you annoyed him he was liable to prank you at the first opportunity but even despite all that there was something about him that made you want to believe in him despite his flaws.

And after spending time with him it became easy to understand just why he was always playing pranks on people or getting into trouble. He wasn't doing it for amusement or to try and get a laugh out people like Kiba was. In fact most people were angry at him for doing it. He acted out because it was the only way he got attention.

People treated Naruto differently. No one treated him poorly per se… it was more that everyone was indifferent to him.

The adults all knew of his status as a Jinchuuriki and given what had happened on his day of birth it was no wonder that people were worried. To a kid eight years was eternity. To an adult who had lost friends and family eight years was nothing. And children are excellent at picking up cues from their parent so it was only logical that they would treat Naruto the same way even if they didn't know exactly _why_ they were treating him that way.

So to get the attention he craved, that _all_ children crave, and that he wasn't getting elsewhere he pulled pranks or acted out. He wanted more than anything to fit in and be acknowledged and if pulling pranks was the only way he could do that then so be it.

Knowing that, however, did not make his childish behaviour any easier to deal with. You'd think that my being friends with someone like Kiba would prepare me for his attitude but it didn't. True Kiba was an overaggressive prankster but he knew when enough was enough. I knew that Naruto would grow up to be an incredible Ninja and a kind and loyal friend but right now at the age of eight he was such a brat. But looking at him I could see glimpses of the Shinobi I knew he could become, that he _would_ become in time. It made his childishness easier to deal with.

And besides I knew for a fact that he would be forced to grow up soon enough. He was allowed to act like a kid for a while longer… even if it _did_ annoy the hell outta me.

It didn't mean that everything always ran smoothly however. I was actually kind of glad that he and Kiba almost continuously butted heads. As long as they focused on each other they gave me some breathing room even if I did have to keep an eye on them to make sure nothing got out of hand.

One day after school as I was walking back home from a trip to the library to return a book I heard some voices coming from up ahead. As I rounded the corner I noticed a group of kids that I recognized as made up of mostly new classmates surrounding another one, also new to my class, who looked familiar but whose name I couldn't place off-hand.

The person who looked to be the leader of the group was cracking his knuckles and had a look of anticipation on his face. "What are you gonna do now fatty? Your Nara friends not around to bail you out this time!" It took me a moment before it occurred to me that I recognized that voice. I sighed as I realized who it belonged to.

Would Hiroko ever learn his lesson? His grades were poor and it may have been wrong of me to do so, but I kept hoping that he would drop out. He was annoying, arrogant, and to top it off he was a bully too. Not to mention that by the looks of things his actions were escalating from verbal to physical abuse.

It only took me a moment to decide to step in and try and stop anything from happening. Raising my voice I walked over to them and called out "Hey!"

The bullies whirled around and faced me, a look of fear on their faces until they saw who I was. Hiroko just sneered at me. "It's _you_. What do you want?"

I was about to respond when I got my first good look at the kid they were picking on and my eyes widened. Chouji! My annoyance at Hiroko turned into anger in a heartbeat. I hadn't really spoken to Chouji since he had arrived in our class but he seemed like a sweet kid and Hiroko had no right to bully him.

Looking Hiroko in the eyes I decided to be blunt. "If at all possible I'd like you to drop dead."

I could almost hear his reason snapping at my response. "Get him!" I looked at Chouji and our eyes met for a moment. He got the message and bolted. I waited a second to make sure no one saw him leave before following suit albeit in a different direction than him.

Well step one was completed. The bullies were no longer focused on Chouji… now what exactly was step two?

I felt a hand grab at my shirt and only barely managed to get away by diving to the side. Apparently step two was 'run like hell!' which worked out great until I decided to lose them by ducking into a nearby alley… which happened to be a dead end.

I turned around hoping I still had enough time to get around them only to find to my dismay that they were blocking the exit. As one they slowly advanced toward me, Hiroko in the lead with a big smile on his face, until my back was against the far wall. "Nice plan, using yourself as a distraction to give fatty a chance to run away. Well at least it _was_ a good plan till you took a wrong turn."

In this situation I knew what I was about to do was a mistake. I knew that I shouldn't antagonize him and that the smart thing to do was try and talk my way out of this situation peacefully… but what can I say? He had pissed me off. I looked him in the eye and said "Oh sure, you're a big man with a group of lackeys beside you but I know the truth. You're a bully and a coward and you have no right to even _try_ and become a Ninja-"

I saw it coming but I was too slow to dodge. Hiroko's arm shot out and the back of his hand collided with my face knocking me to the ground.

I raised a hand to my throbbing cheek and looked up at Hiroko. The look he was giving me sent a chill down my spine, a feeling that only got worse once I noticed that it was a look that was shared by everyone around him.

I tasted blood and belatedly realized that Hiroko's backhand had caused my lip to split.

Smiling down at me Hiroko calmly stated "I'm going to enjoy this."


End file.
